We have already talked to you about how to identify oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), also some ways to help you and what are its causes. But what happens when the situation at home is complicated by the behaviors of our son with ODD? What to do when we feel overwhelmed? As parents, it is important to know that we must not only focus on the fact that the child “is the problem”, because this is not the case.
He’s not the problem, and neither are we. It is not necessary to look for guilty to the conflictive situations, but it is necessary to look for solutions. Solutions that help improve a possibly tense environment and feel better as a family unit. Remember, if you feel very overwhelmed in your family situation, it is advisable to go to a professional. But, from This article, we want to guide you with some guidelines on how to improve coexistence with my child with oppositional defiant disorder.
Index
- It is important to set limits and rules at home
- Avoid paying attention when you shouldn’t pay attention
- Enhance anger management
It is important to set limits and rules at home
- Avoid question mode commands because you can get a negative answer.
- Be clear and concise in your orders, with simple words. Do not give many orders, think before giving it.
- When giving an order, it is important that the child looks you in the eye to make sure that he is attending you.
- Make sure the orders are carried out, and where appropriate, help them to be carried out as a guide.
- Establish compliance as a game (points, shorter time, but no material rewards, only emotional ones) If he does not comply with the demand, make clear consequences (if you do not do this, the following will happen).
- If necessary, apply “time out” or “the thinking chair”, letting the child spend a few minutes thinking about what has happened (do not exceed the time in minutes according to the child’s age, if he is 5 years, 5 minutes and when the time is up we will talk to him and if necessary repeat the action, without getting nervous).
- Stay calm and ignore your child’s negative behaviors (crying, tantrums, tantrums). Don’t show your anger to the child.
- Make the child apologize for the bad social or physical act (whether written, or face to face, or put something back together, etc.), if he does not agree, accompany him and guide him. Praise him when he’s done.
- Do not justify or debate your decisions, give simple and clear answers.
- Ignore the protests.
- Be consistent and firm in your responses to the child.
- Use the 3-warning technique. The third warning will have a consequence.
- Cooperate with him.
- Stay firm but affectionate.
Avoid paying attention when you shouldn’t pay attention
- They must learn to be cared for when the adult can and not when they want or demand. Ignore inappropriate behaviors, and if he continues to insist on your attention, use the broken record (for example repeating all the time without losing his cool “now I’m talking son, when I’m done, I’ll take care of you”)
- Reinforce positive behaviors
- Pay attention to him when he hasn’t asked you
- Share time with him, doing something that your child likes
- Strengthen independence
- Remind them of their positive aspects and what they are good at to promote a good image of themselves
- When he interrupts a conversation between adults, tell him that he will be seen later, and then teach him how to intervene politely
Enhance anger management
- Practice role reversal, enhancing
- Practice relaxation with your child at some point during the day. In this way, you can promote their self-control
- Help your child forgive those who make him angry (using letters, empathy techniques, etc.)
- Help your child to ask for forgiveness in the correct way to those who may harm
- Help your child fix what they have broken because of their anger
- Help your child write their feelings as a form of understanding
- Help your child avoid irrational thoughts with other real and positive self-descriptors
- Never use corporal punishment
- Remember: Be firm but affectionate
This article is merely informative, we do not have the power to prescribe any medical treatment or make any type of diagnosis. We invite you to see a doctor in the case of presenting any type of condition or discomfort.
